Well! Anyone seen this? For those of you who refuse to click, that link leads to a BBC article headlined "Calls To Downsize Chocolate Bars."
What?! Slow down, people! Let's not do anything we might regret later, okay? I mean, I'm all for good health and everything; but from reading this article you'd think chocolate were merely a candy.
Candy? I think not. Chocolate is medicinal. So why are those Europeans trying to lower the dose? And doesn't Obama realize that his infernal plan for health reform may put those of us here in America on this same slippery slope to chocolate restriction? I predict that, if health reform passes, you won't be able to get any chocolate without a prescription. And even that chocolate will be a generic. Tell me, is that progress?
And don't try to change the subject with all that talk about universal coverage and pre-existing conditions and affordability. That's all a smokescreen for what is really going on here - an attempt to socialize our chocolate consumption. Oh, sure, at first it will be all about making sure that everyone can see a doctor, regardless of income level or physical condition; and maybe Obama will even be radical enough to insist that everyone have decent dental care. (I know! I know! He's a madman!) But before you know it, those socialist government nannies will be telling your children to rat you out for that 1-pound Hershey bar (with almonds) in your cabinet. Give these people an inch, and they'll take a mile. Preposterous, you say? Well, it's happening right now in Europe. They're trying to limit the chocolate intake.
They came for all the European chocolate-eaters, and I did nothing...because I wasn't a European....They came for all the Canadian chocolate-eaters, and I did nothing...because I wasn't a Canadian...My fellow Americans, will you remain silent? We're next! A government big enough to give you affordable health care is big enough to take away your chocolate.
Call your Senators and Representative today and say, "We're on to you, you Socialist snakes-in-the-grass! Forget about assuring everyone in America affordable health care, because equal opportunity is not what America is all about. America is all about choice, and I choose to not have my chocolate rationed." And when they ask you to explain, just laugh maniacally and say, "Oh, like you don't know what I'm talking about! Why don't you just ask your comrades in Europe about their Mars bars, eh?" and hang up. I guarantee you will make quite an impression.
Phone the White House, too, while you're at it. They love those sort of calls.
[Man eating giant chocolate bar photo courtesy of scrapetv.com]