Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Lowering The Bar

You know, I always wondered at my friends who complained about their kids' needing to poop in public restrooms (particularly restaurants - blecch). Imagine - I had made it through 17 and a half years of motherhood and not once had one of my children demanded to do #2 while we were out.

But my lucky streak ended last month. No fewer than 3 times in August, my Rachel insisted I escort her to a restaurant bathroom for serious business. Let me tell you, something about that experience does a number on one's appetite. The third time this happened, I was completely undone. All the way to the restroom and into the stall, I berated the poor child: "What's wrong with you? Why would you want to do this here? Can't you wait 'til we get home? No one else did this..." and on and on and on.

Look - I'm just reporting the facts. I'm not proud of my behavior, all right? And the person in the next stall looked singularly unimpressed with my parenting style when she emerged to find me hissing through Rachel's closed stall door, "Hurry up! This is making me sick!"

Just lowering the bar for the rest of you parents out there...and for you non-parents who stumbled on this post, I'm sorry. Consider it a cautionary tale.

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33 comments:

  1. Hahha...I am fortunate that Emma is afraid of pooping in public. I always know when she needs to, though, because she will tell me she wants to go home. However, she has to pee like every 5 minutes, so I spend waaay too much time in public bathrooms. Which make me gag.

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  2. ***"What's wrong with you? Why would you want to do this here? Can't you wait 'til we get home? No one else did this..." and on and on and on.***

    Uh oh. I smell a big therapy bill coming her way...

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  3. Until I had children, I could ONLY do that business at home... my own home, not grandma's home or a friend's home. I'm sure I had someone saying those same words to me as a child, but for the opposite reason.
    I've never had a therapy bill. Happy pills, yes, but no therapy.

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  4. Wait, we both blogged about this EXACT topic on the same day. That is crazy. We must be living in some kind of parallel poop universe.

    Your story is hilarious.

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  5. Apparently, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

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  6. My sons (teenagers now) hate to use public restrooms...they'll wait all day rather than use one at school. And not because of anything I ever said to them.

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  7. I can honestly say that I've never thought twice about it. Of course, with three currently in diapers I'm sure I will look back one day and think, "I heard it there first."

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  8. Ha! I'm always glad when my kids poop when we are out. I'm just glad it's in the potty and not elsewhere!

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  9. My mother passed on her phobia of pooping in public bathrooms to me, and really, I try very, very hard not to do that to my children. It made my childhood very, um, uncomfortable at times. I'm not sure how she handled potty training, because that is when I really had to just get over my public bathroom issues. I was always glad to have boys, though, because once they got tall enough, we were done with sitting on seats for the most part.

    Now, of course, I have a girl. Check back with me in a couple of years...

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  10. OMGosh LOL I may OR may not have said something verrrry similar very recently!

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  11. My kid won't do 1 and 2 together, so we'll have to go to the potty at least 2 times while we're out. Drives me batty. I haven't eaten a hot meal since she was born, and she's 4!

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  12. my kids are usually petrified of the public restrooms which have the auto-flush function.... i know this is mean, but if we are in a hurry... and a bathroom request comes up.... wellll, i, ummmm have been known to lie and tell them it is an auto-flush toilet... even when i know it isn't. is that mean or what???

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  13. Been there and said that. And have offered them bribes of candy to pinch it off and hold it until we get back home.

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  14. My 7 year old was one of those that did it every time we were in a restaurant. Never failed. I quickly got an iron stomach.

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  15. A Concerned Nurse and ParentSeptember 10, 2009

    I'm shocked at how many of you are setting your children up for all kinds of digestive problems. Retaining waste in your body for longer than necessary just because you have some bizarre phobia of public restrooms can lead to serious illness. What you guys (especially Green Girl!) are suggesting is tantamount to abuse.

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  16. My youngest ( Caitlin, now 9 ) never failed to need to use the bathroom for a long sit when we were out shopping. And she would sing while she sat, with me standing outside saying every minute, HURRY UP! THAT'S ENOUGH! etc.
    I did get a few bemused looks over the singing - one time when she was about 4 she was singing loudly "What do we do with a drunken Caitlin early in the morning..." to the tune of "What shall we do with a drunken sailor". Even I was giggling over that one.

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    Replies
    1. DianeMargaretSeptember 02, 2012

      Oh now, THAT'S funny!!!

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  17. Yes, but does your public pooper sing LOUDLY while doing her business? Because THAT, just makes the experience even better...

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  18. I may need to start accompanying small children to the bathroom. you know, to suppress my appetite.

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  19. HOW on earth did you get this far along your parenting career without having to do that before? (The taking the kid to the bathroom for a 4 hour poop session just before dinner is served, that is, lowering the bar is easy, I do it all the time!)

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  20. Awesome.

    There are some kids that just need to be different. Or poop in public.

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  21. I'm trying to imagine what 17 blissful years of non-public pooping must have been like.... magical, I'm assuming.

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  22. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone...

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  23. Sadly, public bathrooms are the reason my child is potty trained. Oh the excitement of a new potty! And the dirtier the store/restuarant was, typically, the dirtier the bathroom, and typically, the more she had to go.

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  24. One time when my daughter told me she needed to poop and we had no other option- I am sure I must have sounded like the crazy mother 'hold my hands, don't touch this, or that, my God can you hurry up? PUSH for God's sake!! ew...I'm going to faint'

    yeah not my proudest moment either...

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  25. Oh thank you, thank you! I love Lowered Bars (some days mine practically scrapes the ground I stomp upon). They boost my morale considerably.

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  26. Lowering the bar one bathroom trip at a time. Bless you! I feel much better now about the meltdown I just had with my 2 yr old. :-)

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  27. I found you from The Saturday Evening Post. Then I saw you were on MMB! I think it was meant to be.

    I remember my kid telling me he had to poop at Staples. I told him if he couldn't wait, he would have to wear his brothers diaper and poop in it.

    My kids need therapy

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  28. My daughter is 3 and will only potty in her bathroom at home and school. Any advice on how to get her to use other bathrooms ( i.e. relatives, public)?

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  29. Okay, I really needed this today. Thank you. There's something about knowing that there are other mothers out there just like me that does my heart good.

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  30. My kids poop in public places all the time. Especially the grocery store. You just get used to it.

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